


The Reception

by Marqania



Category: British Actor RPF, Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, F/M, Gen, Multiple Crossovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 02:18:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4729058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marqania/pseuds/Marqania
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry takes Eggsy to a wedding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Reception

**Author's Note:**

> Crossovers. All the crossovers. And stretching the definition of RPF to breaking.

"Mr. Harry Hart, Mr. Gary Unwin." 

Eggsy nodded at the doorman who announced their arrival. "Swank place, Harry-mate."

"Yes it is, isn't it?" Harry guided Eggsy to their seats at the far end of the room.

“This alright, Harry?” Eggsy eyed the table they approached with a bit of trepidation. He hadn't been to a wedding since... uh, Douchebag Dean, and that wasn't much of a memory. “A’mean, well… s'for - " Eggsy waved a hand at the sign that read _Hart Family._ "Innit?”

“You are family now, my dear boy, and they will love you as I do.” Harry paused for a moment to straighten Eggsy’s lapels in lieu of a hug. “There’s nowhere more appropriate.”

“There you go again, gettin’ me all misty ’n shit.” And he was, actually, a bit.

“This is my niece, Miranda Noakes, née Hart.” A stocky woman, nearly as tall as Harry, stood to greet them. “Miranda, I’d like you to meet Eggsy Unwin, a dear friend and colleague.”

The woman’s dark eyes twinkled cheerfully behind a delicate off-white net as she took Eggsy’s hand to shake. “I take it that wasn’t the name you were born with?”

“It’s Gary, actually, if you’d prefer that.”

“No, not at all, if you don’t mind me calling you Eggsy. I think it’s a charming nickname - and one that, I suspect, has rather a story behind it.”

“Yeah, s’my dad gave it to me. Don’ no one call me Gary unless there’s trouble.” Eggsy shuddered at a memory. “‘Specially when it’s mum who does it, then you know there’s real trouble.”

“Oh my.” Miranda grinned mischievously at her uncle. “I think you’ll find Uncle Harry’s story just as interesting, then. Haven’t you ever wondered why he always uses a sobriquet?”

“Miranda, don’t you dare.”

“Uncle, as you so plainly said, this young man is family now.” The gentle pat Eggsy received on his hand contrasted deeply with the impishness in Miranda’s smiling face. “What else is family for, if not to mortify individual family members with deeply held secrets?”

“Don’t make me tell him your school nickname, dear girl.”

“Oh really, Uncle,” she scoffed, turning to Eggsy. “Even as a young woman, I was very tall and lanky. Add to that build a generously sized head, and one can understand why I was called Merm the Sperm. Your move, sir,” she said to Harry as Eggsy choked his hacking laughter into a sleeve.

Eggsy dashed that same sleeve across his eyes, his face red above a wide smile as he addressed the older man. “Fuck, ‘Arry, I _love_ this chick.”

“Oh good, because you’re dancing with me until my darling husband comes to claim me. Keep a seat warm, won’t you Uncle Harry? Now, about his nickname, Eggsy - it all began when I caught him naked in the headmistress’ bedroom…”

“I’m disowning you both, I’ll have you know.” The two merely laughed.

 

Harry smiled quietly as he looked on, watching his niece lead Eggsy in a dance that looked like a cross between the Macarena and a mild seizure. He let his smile grow as woman after woman came up to greet the bride and her dance partner, each lady invited into the growing pile of twitching dancers. Eggsy seemed to be wildly enjoying himself for the most part, until both Miranda and a very rotund redhead decided to sandwich his face between their cheeks. Harry snickered at the open pleading on the young man’s face, and leaned back in his chair.

He was startled out of his smugness by a shout of “You’ll be bouncin’ on my cock later, bruv, m’tellin’ ya!” He raised a surprised eyebrow at the tipsy man in mess dress who’d shouted his way.

“Only f’you gobble me off first, bruv!” another man called back from behind him.

“Hello.”

“Hey. H’lo.” The man sank into the chair next to Harry, grinning blearily. “Hey. Y’look like my lass! W’s your name?”

“Harry Hart. I’m her uncle.” He watched the man’s face fall. “You must be my niece’s young man. A pleasure, mister…”

“Ah. Pete.” The man flushed uncomfortably. “Noakes. Um.” He looked back and forth between Harry and the rest of the room. “Wasn’t really… gonna - um.”

“Cheat on my dear niece and your wife of a few hours with a coworker of yours? Of course not.” Harry patted the man’s shoulder. “Locker room humor. I’m familiar with it. Don’t worry.”

Pete grinned. “My partner. Best man. Really.” His smile grew watery. “Fuckin’ love ‘im.”

“Really?”

“My best mate, man.” He sniffled drunkenly. “Wouldn’t be married to my lass if it weren’t for ‘im.”

Harry couldn’t resist teasing Miranda’s young man. “And you don’t favor him yourself?”

“Wha’? Y’mean… wha’?” Pete flapped a hand in his wife’s direction. “A’course not! Just ‘cause I love the man don’t mean I want in his pants, mate, what sorta wanker y’take me for?”

“Dear Uncle, please don’t give my husband a heart attack." Miranda came back to the table with a dark-skinned little gentleman in tow. "I haven’t had a chance to try him out yet.”

“Of course not, dear. And how are you, Kevin?"

"Hey, Uncle Aitch. Doin' great. You?"

"Quite well, thank you."

 _“Harry?”_ Eggsy called from somewhere in a gaggle of multicolored fabric. “Uh, li'l backup?”

"Man, what you doin' leavin' your baby boy in with them wolves?" Kevin scolded Harry with no real heat as the older man stood. "Nah, man. Sit back down, I got this."

Harry shook his head and smiled, glad of the welcome his family had shown Eggsy, and ready with an _I told you they'd love you_ for the young man.

**Author's Note:**

> Huh. Creepy Toothy Roofie Guy in SPY, who knew?
> 
> And before I forget, edited for things I didn't catch before I posted.


End file.
